Bible Study

I am a part of a women's Bible study that meets at least twice a month. We are reading the book Crazy Love, by Francis Chan. Recently, we read the chapter regarding Lukewarm Christians. Basically, God does not appreciate a half-hearted love for Him. We are either in or we are out. It was quite a challenging study as you can imagine.

Last night I was woken up by a disturbing dream. I'll spare you the details, but discovered something God wanted me to pursue in my heart. I asked the Lord why I had this dream. Why was pure evil being played out in my mind. He reminded me of the verse I read in the book a week or so ago, "Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell" (Matt. 10:28).

Satan is our fear. Do I realize that? If I were faced with the choice of death for following Christ or running away to save my life temporarily, what would I choose in that moment? I thought I knew the answer. But, my dream may have indicated an instinct to run for my life. Based on the way I live out my relationship with Christ each day I would probably be more inclined to run. In moments of intimacy with God I would choose to die for my faith, but I don't have the luxury of living most of my life in the same way I always have.

A relationship with God is not supposed to be at random moments in life. It is supposed to be daily, intimate, close, seeking, and everything else any deep, meaningful relationship is here on earth. I am lukewarm. I am not madly in love with God on a day-to-day basis to where I earnestly seek a relationship with him in all ways. I do in some ways.

This weekend I will attend a Women of Faith two-day conference with some friends. It will be my second time attending this event. I know what I am in for. I also know that at times I will be an emotional wreck. Will I be able to figure out what it is that is holding me back from loving God with all my heart, all my soul and all my mind? My desire is to change the way I live, not tomorrow, but today. Hmmmm...how will it end? I don't know. It is a mystery!